Not just mine. All of them, every single one...
No other constant is so perfectly repetatoy, than the biological insanities intertwined amongst moms and dads, siblings and anyone else sharing DNA from Adam on down.
This is not a family secret.
I think somewhere it must be mandated...
God asked for one good man and found Lot. Even He didn't search for one sane family. In His unending and limitless Wisdom, I think He must have acknowledged the sheer impossibility of that...
I'd thought of praying for it once or twice, but kind of felt like I was either tempting or taunting Him, with that request...
I grew up in a family of secrets. Don't act surprised; you probably did, too.
Some bad, some strange and some just completely absurd...
I keep thinking my family will get...saner.
There goes my own personal crazies, thinking that...
I am tired of the " don't tell this one THAT" thing, or " if you tell those people, all they'll do is gossip"..
Sherlock Holmes could not find out one of my relations travel plans if Dr. Watsons head were to be encased in a rat filled cage...
You probably think I'm kidding on that. Believe you me, that one is true...
I'll probably be disowned for printing that out loud...
Did you ever want to grab someone by the shirt, and explain to them that the cost of stupid family politics and need for control, just aren't worth it, anymore?
Eggshells are meant to be thrown away, not scattered for those you love, to walk upon...
Relationships can't be built on eggshells. They crack, creating a self fulfilling prophesy of disappointment and frustration...
It seems I've spent the lions share of my life being either the cause or the effect of both of these emotions.
You want to scream " It's not my circus, not my monkey", but you realize the cost.
To love them, you must adopt the circus and cradle the monkey.
Those are the conditions...
I will pay that toll, I guess.
I will bitch and moan, complain and posture, but I will pay that toll.
Not for me. Well, maybe for me, a little.
But mostly for my McMonkeys...
Sometimes I try to be the sane one. Big laugh, there...
Try not to rock the boat or rattle the cage; accept the dysfunctionality and laugh off the idiocintric insanities.
And sometimes, my head just hurts...
Sometimes my heart just aches, and I silently wish we all could just drop the theatrics and stupidities, in a life that really is difficult enough, without them...
One more silly prayer.
The craziest thing about this whole diatribe is that my family of origin is probably saner now than it's ever been. Instead of venting and complaining, I should be on my knees, thanking an Amazing God for Gracing us all, with the limited sanity He's chosen to give us.
Why not more sanity?
Get in line for that question.
I'm picturing Saint Peter, at the gate. By about the fourth person, he'll be able to tell, by the look in their eye. I can see him, shaking his head, looking thru The Book of Life as he gently explains that those questions aren't his to answer. Quietly, endlessly repeating, " it's not my area"...
Not Biblically sound. Nowhere near factual...
But I still picture it. Maybe it's just a little mental joke, to help me keep what's left of my dwindling sanity.
I love my family, all of them, communally and separately. I understand their qualms and character traits. Really, I do...
I would not trade them in for a saner version, even if there was one.
So I do not pray for the impossible.
I pray that my own insanity does not damage any of us. That my own personal qualms and crazies can be muted , at least a little, and that maybe my heart can show His Love and Patience, more than my own emotional fallibility.
Please help me remember that i am a dues paying member in this circus ridiculous. Please Grace me with patience enough not to break these gentle threads, and let me sometime in this eternity, see the beauty You have Created, in this family tapestry...
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