And I'm wondering what's in the pantry...
I know she bought snacks a few days ago; perfectly crispy potato chips, unassuming 3.5 oz envelopes of double butter microwave popcorn ( no, she didn't buy the double butter popcorn, I think I did... Probably just fantasizing about double butter... Most likely just regular butter. Now I don't want to look...)
I am not an ice cream kind of guy. I eat it, of course I eat it, but that is just to placate my desire for chips...
Have to watch my sodium, you know...
I spotted an unopened half gallon of French vanilla in our kitchen freezer.
There is something so mournfully sad about unopened ice cream; kind of like a puppy running in circles around his travel cage...
My Wonderful Wife would tell me I'm not hungry right about now, and I would be telling her there is no way to think about butter or potato chips without being hungry.
I would get that look, the one that is both annoyed and perplexed; a quizzical eyebrow raise acknowledging she still loves me and a barely noticeable struggle trying to remember exactly why...
I don't eat because I'm hungry.
I don't eat because I like the taste.
That's not quite true. I guess what I'm saying is those times I attempt the perfect kitchen trifecta, raiding the pantry, fridge and freezer, all on the same trip, generally doesn't happen because of those particular reasons...
Most times I get that urge, I'm usually just bored.
Bored or sad.
I'm not a fan of sad, so I'm going with bored...
Working on my blog right now, I'm trying to decide if I should nibble a bit now, so I don't waste away to nothing, or wait, and reward myself when I'm done...
Food is hard for me. It is my loyal refuge of comfort and a large portion of my vocabulary. I express love, happiness, excitement, grief and gratitude with food. It is not just something I eat, much of the time, it is a large part of who I am...
I know that's not right, not healthy...
But still, it's true.
One of the reasons my Wonderful Wife fell in love was me was for my cooking. Not so much for the results that came out on the plate, but because of the effort and attention that went into finding her favorite meals, the foods that reached deep into her soul...
I never have the words when people are grieving. I don't know how to tell them, even my own family, with words, that I like them and care about them...
If I could, I would probably be much thinner...
It looks like I'm going to go for the rewarding thing, because I'm pretty much finished with this post.
Surprise.
I didn't waste away to skin and bones after all...
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