Monday, December 9, 2013

A moment of silence

              I like to remember one of my favorite days from almost two decades ago. It comes to my mind frequently like a gentle haunting. Sometimes it appears when I come home for dinner; other times it shows up in a glance from this green couch I'm sitting in across our living room, to my Wonderful Wife's comfy chair.
          Our eyes meet and it brings me back to first day I met her. Not the first time I met her, really, but the first time I saw her. She doesn't remember it as well as I do. She couldn't. For her it was just another mildly interesting, slightly terrifying day. It would probably be different if she had my vantage point and saw what I saw, that night in the moonlight...
                  Almost nineteen years ago some friends of mine surprised me with a Birthday present, a ticket to a Nanci Griffith concert at a women's college in Massachusetts. Nanci Griffith is one of my favorite Folk musicians and my friends Kim and Julie were going to drive me there. Our friend Julia was supposed to join us but she had gotten sick the day before the show and given her ticket to a certain MaryAnne Butler. I had never met her, but when I did, I noticed that she was quite pretty. I secretly hoped that this was some kind of set- up. That was not to be. Within moments MaryAnne wove the fact that she was involved in a long term relationship into our conversation. Sad for me, but that was O.K...
                                            I was going to see Nanci Griffith!
                 MaryAnne and I sat in the back seat on the drive to the concert. I probably should point out that my friends Kim and Julie were lesbians and involved also in a long term relationship, so they sat together up front as Kim drove. 
                   What I always forget to mention is how I happened to look at that present moment in time.
           I was in an aging hippie phase, long hair and balding. Probably the most disturbing part of the picture was the " Charlie don't surf" Charles Manson tee shirt I was wearing.. Chalies crazy face was plastered across my chest in all his insanity. It never even crossed my mind that that might concern this lady sitting beside me. It seems that it had...
              As we finished all the easy small talk questions and answers and spoke more about our lives, MaryAnne became visibly more relaxed. She still was sitting next to a lunatic, but at least I seemed kind of harmless and did make her laugh...
           Arriving early, we found a student art exhibit and the four of us took our time checking out the paintings and sculptures. It seemed natural, all of us walking and talking about the works in front of us.
    The concert was about to start, so we went in and watched a really good folk music show..
               We left the concert and my friend Kim stole the Nanci Griffith poster out of its holder on the buildings wall.
      I didn't think anything about it at the time.
           There was a " Take back the night" rally after the show, so we traveled thru it reading the tee shirts, each covered with stories of abuse and survival. The ladies with me made me accutely aware that the Charlie tee shirt I was wearing may not be the most appropriate attire for an assembly against violence against women. They suggested I turn it inside out. I respectfully declined. A crowd gathered
twenty feet away and angry feminists began to point. Saner minds agreed that it might be an opportune time to make our departure.  I followed them.
             We started the long drive home, half laughing about the situation we escaped. Things quieted down for a moment, as the moon shone from my window across the seat into MaryAnnes face.
   She was looking out sideways from the back seat, thru the drivers side window.
       I looked into her eyes, deep and dark in the moonlight. I saw her.
             People talk about love at first sight. That is what happened that night. I looked into her gentle, tired eyes and something there connected with my heart. I smiled, somewhat sadly, knowing she was already involved. I made a joke to hear her laugh again. We spoke a few times more on the way home and went our separate ways.
      I continued hanging out with Kim and Julie. We all camped together with a bunch of friends and I saw Mare again. I joked, she laughed remembering the insanity of the night of the concert.
    We went our separate ways...
           One night Julie and I were outside on a porch, talking as she mentioned MaryAnne. She stopped for a moment and gave me a quizzical look. I asked what was wrong. "Nothing" she said, as she quietly looked at me.
     About a week later we stood on the same porch and she mentioned MaryAnne. A moment later she started laughing.  I asked what was so damn funny. She just laughed and walked away.
       A few more days passed and a group of us were standing outside talking. Once again Julie mentioned MaryAnne. Seconds later she commenced laughing, saying "You don't even know you do it, do you? You really don't know.."
        This woman was crazy. " Do what?" I asked.
       "Every time I say MaryAnne's name you stop for a second and look down. Then you go on with what you were saying. Every time I say her name, you have a tiny moment of silence!"
            Other people piped in "He does!" " We never noticed it before, but he does!" 
             I told them all they were crazy. I would notice if I did something like that.
                               I never knew it, but it was true...
                   Years later, many years later we met for dinner at the friends house who's ticket she had on the trip to the concert. MaryAnne now was recently saved and single. 
        Things went fast. We were engaged in a few months and married later that same year.
       For an engagement gift our friend Kim gave us the Nanci Griffith poster she stole that night.
    Two Christmas's ago, Mare had it professionally framed and gave it to me on Christmas morning.
       The boys wondered what the heck was going on with dad. He was crying..
              So now you know about " The moment of silence".

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