Many years later, many lives and personalities later, I find myself standing, staring out at an expansive precipice, the extremely dark side of forty.
You older folks reading this, I can hear chuckling, ( late forties, old? Wait till he hits my age and forgets where he stored the toilet paper!). I'm Assuming that's what your thinking anyway. Assuming again, having not crossed the 50 year dash yet.
The past twelve years, have by far, been the best run of my life ever. The first thirty six, not so much.
But these last twelve...
This past one...
In this last year I have been forced to approach work a bit differently. We run by committee now, from how a machine operator pushes a broom to what an electrical tech ( me) can do to fix a machine.
I thought this loss of autonomy would drive me insane at first, but I have learned to adapt.
When the committee comes up with an idea, good or bad, and asks if I can do it, I just say yes.
After our meetings, machine operators threaten me with multitudes of industrial tortures as I implement the groups solutions that will inevitably inhibit their performance and make their job more difficult by a multiple of eight. I suggest that they proactively give their input to the " team "as we both know this present decision is ludicrous and unworkable. The " Team" has more meetings, more suggestions. I just say yes. The cycle continues, more threats to my vulnerable body parts are made, but I stay busy and all of us remain actively involved and engaged.
Eventually, exasperated, outside of the meetings, some individual ( usually the infuriated machine operator) comes up with an actual solution and begs the boss privately if we can try it. The boss asks if i can do it and if it will work. I say yes. The committee bypassed, the problem is solved..
That is my year at work.
Home time ...
I fell into better hours at work that gives me week ends off, a 4:00 p.m. quitting time and a four day weekend off every other week with the family. Unfortunately, it came with the loss of built in overtime that had been in my check since I first started, almost eleven years ago.
A bit of a financial adjustment...
I cannot say that it has not added stress to our household, because it has. I can say that the boys are happier to see me more. Often, so is My Wonderful Wife.
It is the proverbial "Catch 22".
Money or time, but never the right balance between them.
So we learn to plan our purchases and say " No, we can't afford that" to our boys and ourselves a lot more. We play more board games, card games and enact many more shannagens.
Christmas was scaled down and the real focus was not blocked by piles of presents under the tree. Excess did not hinder us and my sons spoke of Jesus and his real gift.
We cut back on K- cups and potato chips. Ouch!
Funny thing is, this has all turned out to be " good stuff". The boys have not really noticed or really complained. We adults...well, let's just say we're still adjusting.
I get to hear my boys laugh more. Fight more. Grow more.
I look into my Wonderful Wife's eyes more. Sometimes they are nearly overwhelmed over the checkbook. Some days they are frustrated that although I'm home more, the kids still yell " Mom!" while I'm in the the same room with them. Sometimes they glitter with outright amusement over the concepts that come from her husband and growing children's imagination...
...and sometimes they mirror the night I saw them first in the moonlight.
Like I said, it's all good stuff.
We have been so blessed. One of the major complaints in our house is not having enough room in the refrigerator. Too many potatoes or onions in the pantry. Too much " stuff", too much clutter. Sometimes it is too warm in the living room....
Luxury problems...
I try not to take any of this for granted. We give what we can, when we can to those in need and thank God at every meal for what he has portioned us. Health. Love. Family.
In this world these are all ephemeral, as the geographer in " The Little Prince" says.
" In danger of speedy disappearance". In the blink of an eye these things can all change. Usually all it takes is the blink of the eye...
I look around and see so many friends and familes that our family loves and watch them walking today in a different season. Seasons of loss. Seasons of grief and uncertainty.
Seasons that build their Faith as it breaks them down, then brings them back up higher and reminds us all how precious and fragile and ephemeral we all really are.
My heart breaks as I beg God to remind them that this IS just a season. Please keep in all their hearts hope and your everlasting love. Please raise their Faith and comfort them in this time of confusion and remove all doubt that creeps in. Let them know, deep in their soul, that they are not alone. You are always with them.
This is my prayer for the New Year, for the new seasons...
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