Jumble of Fruit Loops...

  There is something definitely wrong with me. Not the usual - kinda goofy, overeating and inappropriate gas passing stuff that I'm commonly associated with. I mean, let's face it, that hasn't changed in 49 years . We need to keep expectations real. That stuff is more " problematic" than " wrong" anyway.  My Wonderful Wife may not agree exactly with that last statement, but I think that has more to do with her personal exposure than strict adherence to definitions.

     I am looking more towards how I view things in this wonderful life. My perspective is always a little off kilter. Not neccasarily surreal or delusional ( neccasarily ), but more towards " non-linear".

         My brain is really a strange place. Not in a bad way, per say, but it definitely is not conventionally  compartmentalized. 

             As a child I had constant migraines from birth until age seven. My right leg didn't work right and always dragged along beside me, wherever i went. We had an old doctor who had spent his career predominantly in the army and World War 2. His diagnosis was that I was a spoiled brat and had been faking this since birth. My mother eventually brought me to a neurologist in Schenectady and after the initial EEG showed abnormal brain waves and my eyes and Babinski reflex did not respond as expected, the Dr. pronounced my little thinking machine officially messed up.

           He talked about tumors and exploratory surgery. My mother was somewhat traumatized by the concept, but as an inquisitive seven year old, I found the idea kind of cool. Long story short, he started me on medication and the symptoms stopped. That did not bring the natural color back to my poor mothers hair but it did bring her back a little bit from a serious freak out.

        Even when I didn't do anything wrong I drove the poor woman crazy...

                                  But back to my thinking....

                    I read the Bible sometimes. Not nearly as often as suggested, but I do read it.

        I spent years reading all kinds of books on spirituallity, searching for the truth. I admit I found it predominantly in the Holy Bible. Almost exclusively, in fact.

              God reached me the hard way. I learned about Jesus real simple.

                                                              " I can't"

                                                              " He can"

                                                        " I think I'll let Him..."

                         I searched the Scriptures for a long time trying to figure this whole thing out.

                                             Trying to beak it down to its simplest...

                                 I need to keep it that way. A lot of people don't understand that. There is an expectation that everyone should hunger for Gods words. I get that. I philosophically understand how that should happen, but with me it just doesn't go that way. Not in studying, anyway. I really learn a lot more from the Sermons given at our Church and my soul is fed by them. I do love hearing Gods words explained in context and the conversations on our way home about the points of contacts shared. I watch Charles Stanley before Church and always find a deep personal relevance in his Sermons.

        Studying just doesn't reach me like that. I suppose this makes me a bad Christian.

                    I understand that the whole Bible is about Jesus. We were created with Gods full knowledge that Adam and Eve would mess it all up and as my Pastors always say, this was not His plan B. It was His plan A from the start.

                What keeps going thru the jumble of fruit loops in my Mellon head are a few simple facts that I do not know exactly how to interpret...

            Christ's greatest earthly enemies knew Gods Words best.

              They were functionally clueless. His meaning flew far over their overly educated heads and still they refused to believe.

                Knowledge is terrifying when it has the ability to nullify the truth that inhabits your heart...

                   These were not bad men. They loved God, as much as many of us, as much as they knew ( or didn't") Him. 

                         So my internal question of questions is this:

                            Are we so much smarter now?

                            Are we " better" now?

                            Would God think us arrogant to claim less falability?

                                I understand that we are Graced with the Holy Spirit when Saved and if we are quiet and open and our hearts are right, He will unerringly guide us.

                               As often as this happens to us all....

                   We live in a world of Sin and slippery slopes of judgement that are incredibly easy to start sliding down. The saddest part of that tragedy is if we are zipping down it, we are the last to know.

       So I don't know if it is because I'm a bad Christian, overly cautious or just plain lazy that I don't study the Bible much.

             Most of you have you have seen my Facebook posts at times. I can be judgmental, overbearing and very un- Christ like, especially when I'm right. That scares me.

         There are times I can see no difference between myself and the Pharisees and Sadducees when discussing religion with some people whom I take personal.

        That is not a very good Christian. Running on knowledge and not Christ in my heart is always a bad idea for me.

              So personally, I find it more peaceful and the traumas minimized if I just keep it simple.

                  When I allow God to nourish my soul with the same trust as the birds of the field, realizing daily He will provide all I need, we are at our best communion..

           I remain open to Him, however He chooses to come.

                There are no good or bad Christians, just saved ones. All unworthy, all functionally a hot mess, to reasonably same degrees. I do know I Love Jesus.

                                I hope that's simple enough...