Situations like this are generally talked thru with a sponsor, but I always liked to make decisions first, then get advice, after the fact. It was never the wisest course of action, but it did always bring excitement...
It didn't help that I found this woman very attractive and that we had quite a few deep and emotional conversations in the past couple of weeks. I convinced myself ( sort off) that my intentions were honorable. She had no other place to go and I had room...
Really, what could go wrong?!?
So, after she began moving in, I spoke about this with my sponsor.
The look he gave me was one we both were used to. Half quizzical, with touches of anger and lunacy thrown in, for good measure...
He began speaking of complications involved, tossing in large chunks of ignored common sense that he believed I seriously should have considered first...
How would I deal with boundaries, both physical and emotional, on both her and my sides?!? Men are not suggested to be in direct emotional/ physical relationships with women, in the rooms of AA , especially men with years of sobriety dealing with a woman with less months than i had years...
I told him I had it all figured out. Under control. I was different and my motives were pure...
He actually laughed out loud. " Figured out? Under control? O.K. One last and very simple question.."
I listened, confident in my infallibility.
" Have you told your girlfriend, Sheila, yet?!?"
I sensed my infalitability balloon developing a slight leak...
Slight? A tiny bit of panic started and I attempted a stuttered reply. It was my sponsors turn to laugh...
" There will be a LOT of growth opprotunities in this situation for you" he chuckled...
"Uh huh" I blankly replied...
So I went to my girlfriends apartment.. Perhaps some backstory would be relevant...
Sheila was kind of an emotional firecracker. She was a few years sober and had severe co- dependency issues. A six foot tall, 185 lbs redhead with anger issues...
... That I had to tell that I just moved into my apartment, platonically of course, one of the prettier women in the rooms of AA...
I conceded to her that I probably hadn't thought it out all that well...
The conversation did not go well, either. I still had a girlfriend when I left her apartment, but we both were pretty freaked out ... I did not feel very comfortable going back to my apartment that night..
So rumors went thru the rooms of AA and gossip created opposing sides.
AA was not comfortable and did not feel welcoming...
Sheila's apartment was not very cozy anymore..
And my apartment ? This is where it gets a little bit interesting...
I came home from work and found both of these women sitting at my kitchen table, one drinking coffee and the other, tea.
It seems they had been hanging out all day, shopping, lunch and of course, coffee and tea.
At my apartment...
No warm and fuzzies in my belly... Not by a long shot...
My own home was the most uncomfortable place of all..
It really did not end nearly as bad as it could have. We all took turns being nuts, we all stayed sober and nothing happened with me and my " roommate".
I did wind up loosing the girlfriend...
But that had crash and burn written all over it, long before this, any way...
So why do I bring up the ancient past???
About two years ago my Wonderful Wife was on Facebook, messaging back and forth with one of her good friends. She mentioned something and a little tiny set of gears in my head instantly meshed. Uncomfortably, I asked her to ask her friend where she'd grown up. Then I asked her if she was related to a family in that area...
Yep. It was her maiden name...
It turns out that my Wonderful Wife had struck up a close friendship with an ex girlfriend of mine, from my wild and crazy drinking days...
She had eventually recognized my Wonderful Wife's married name and put two and two together...Not that it mattered. They had a lot in common and got along great by then...
Of course, my Wonderful Wife had no idea...
So the two of us shared stories with my wife MaryAnne, about some of the old days, and My Wonderful Wife acted as a go between...
I was kind of amused, but had lost a few of the warm and fuzzies in my now rotund belly..
I came to grips with it pretty quickly. This ex was very cool. I always had good thoughts of her whenever I looked back to those days. A very good person who never made me feel bad because I drank too much, never judged me or tried to stop my path. I always had felt accepted by her.
When you were someone like me, back then, that was a rarity...
Not sure how it all ended, still. Some questions don't neccasarily beg for answers...
My brain has " artifacts", the doctors say. Much of my long term memory is either completely gone or extremely foggy; kind of like coming too and hearing things you've done described by those there at the time and seeing small pieces in your mind...
Too much booze and drugs, too many industrial chemicals and kicks to the head to hope for any sustained levels of past coherency...
My brother remembers everything from back then. But then again, he was a little more recreational in his drinking. Me, I took it a bit more seriously...
Now comes the funny part...
It seems the love of my life and this particular ex share a passion for Zombies..
Enough so that they thought it would be a great idea to go to a convention center together for the weekend...
My Wonderful Wife has never seen me drunk. Until recently, this ex had never seen me sober... There are a few questions I might like answered about those days myself, still, believe it or not...
I'm sure the Wonderful Wife will get them first..
So what could I say when The Wonderful Wife brought up this trip?
I had to laugh...
It seems my life has a magnetic pull for interesting situations.
Deja vu, tempered with time...
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