Soon it will be my turn to plan...
Between us, we will be one hundred...
Of course I am planning somewhere on the North Atlantic, ocean view and a pier I can stand on. The Wonderful Wife thinks it may be a bit cold for this in mid-March.
Silly her...
The ocean is supposed to be cold. Truthfully, you shouldn't be able to tell the difference in water temperature, whether it is June or February. That is the North Atlantic's charm. If you want warm and calm, you should just go to the Florida Keys. But if you want to experience the true soul of the Seas grandeur, you must go north.
A friend of mine at work, when hearing me talk of planning this trip, asked if I were going alone. I laughed a bit and told him no. Actually, at that point in time, I was planning bringing all three McMonkeys with us...
When I told him that, he laughed...
I jokingly told MaryAnne what my friend had said, about me going alone. She told me that she wouldn't have a problem with that. Then I laughed.
A lot of laughing going on here...
In the midst of my craziest days, somewhere between my getting sober and entering the laughing academy, I would often pack my sea bag, put on my old navy pea coat and wool watch cap and head to the nearest bus station. The ticket lady would ask me where I was planning to go and I would tell her just sell me a ticket for the next bus that was going to any ocean, up north...
I loved traveling alone, eating alone, going to the shore alone...
I never had a problem with going to the movies or dinner by myself.
I'm not that guy today.
He's still in there, somewhere, hoping that the guy I am would just pack his bag and go.
He'd probably be just as happy if I didn't pack a bag at all, as long as the bus, train or automobile was heading north east, until the road became sand...
I'd like to say that when emotions and fears come up deep inside, this idiots ears didn't perk up, like a dog hearing someone say the word "walk"...
But the truth is, sometimes they do.
The funny thing is that what once was Heaven for me, today would break my heart.
My soul then was one of a loner. Now it is the soul of a husband and father.
What once brought me a few days of peace, today would only be a constant reminder of what I didn't have in my sea bag and didn't pack...
The lady who's arm wasn't wrapped around me and the children who weren't nudging each other out of the way, to lean against their dad...
Years ago, every answer I ever thought I needed could be found standing alone, staring outwards past the breaking waves, on the horizon.
Every answer I need today can be found holding my family close and praying to our Loving God....
When I am sad or grieving or lost, that is where I find my answers and my peace.
They are my Ocean...
So I have no clue exactly where we are going. I do know that any trip will include us all. I still would like to taste the salt of the chilly winds and watch the clumps of seaweed being pushed up the beach, with the incoming tide. I want to put my hands in the frigid water and splash it gloriously into my face...
I want to watch my inquisitive and short sighted kids running thru the surf in the only pair of sneakers they brought with them and capture that incredulous and confused look on their mothers face, as she wonders just how someone with her inherent intelligence and common sense could birth McMonkey that fit into the easily distractable mold of their father...
And to see it turn into perplexed laughter as she gets the shorthand we have, as we look into each others eyes, mine asking her gently, what did she expect?!?
I mean really, she did marry me...
I remember about four years ago we all went on one of the big paddle boats on Lake George. It was mixed reactions between the kids on whether they were enjoying it.
I remember looking toward the back and seeing Nick sitting in a deck chair and staring quietly and contently, past the boats wake.
For a moment, I smiled with a pride of companionship, at my eldest son, barely eight years old, staring out, like his dear old dad...
Today that memory haunts me, a little bit...
I hope as he gets older, that he keeps his peace with God and the ones he loves instead of scanning the horizon for something different, that gives him calm but not love..
It is not just my hope. It is my prayer...
No comments:
Post a Comment