A good friend of mine who was barely past the legal age of consent, had been drinking a little to much and was being strongly pressured into a sexual situation with a couple of men in their twenties. I had known her for quite a few years and knew that she had been raped when she passed out at a party when she was fourteen years old. That was how her virginity had been taken.
We had talked about that situation, many times together growing up. For some reason we clicked emotionally and she trusted me with her pain...
So when these men wanted to take advantage of her, I had to step in...
I knew I could not win the fight that was coming. One of them was probably the best natural born fighter I'd ever met, pound for pound. Great hands, great feet and an almost artistic ferocity and grace in his violence.
I had a few pounds on him, but was completely outclassed and didn't have a prayer in winning . I knew the intensity and completeness of the damage that was coming. I couldn't win this, but I couldn't walk away and I couldn't give up and stay on the ground when I was knocked down...
It was a long and painful night.
I took the worst beating I have ever experienced that night. Multiple broken ribs, both sides of my face broken and my sinus cavities both smashed, leaving a pencil thick hole to breathe thru on one side, and the other side closed completely, not to mention the nose broken in multiple places. I just kept getting back up....
I did not stop what happened that night.
Some would call my actions stupid .
Walking into it, I knew I wouldn't change a thing.
I knew from the very beginning, that my stepping in was completely useless.
But I couldn't walk away...
Charging a windmill with no hope of success...
I fought God once.
A very long and drawn out battle where he took away all the things I treasured and demanded...
Completely outclassed and out gunned, knowing the eventual outcome, I still walked into that battle of wills, knowing I would be both emotionally and spiritually decimated.
But of course, I could not walk away...
So I was broken. Very broken.
I almost didn't get up...
Charging a windmill that re-made my soul...
I've spent double decades, not approaching windmills anymore. Tired, broken, defeated, I finally had given up. Most things I found did not require that frontal, attacking approach..
Philosophical and smarter, I realized now that not much out there is worth that kind of fight.
My body still is broken, unattached ribs that move when I turn wrong or sneeze, an arm that hangs useless if I reach backwards incorrectly. That's left over damage from thirty years ago, not old age....
In the last few weeks I have argued and fought with every single salaried supervisor and manager in our plant, and am a few levels of them deep into corporate.
I have had arguments with my co- workers at decimal levels that certainly exceeded our corporate assigned hearing protection....
There has not been a day in the past week that I have not been in someone's office, up front, charging windmills...
I see a gross ignorance of safety standards going on that could easily prove fatal to workers in our plant.
They are good people who are listening to incompetent electricians that are completely ignorant of our companies safety culture and beliefs...
So I have been working my way up the ladder, supervisor to supervisor, manager to manager, to regional manager, on the things we need to do, to make some situations safe...
I have been stressed beyond belief and am walking in my sleep again.
I guess I'm not done with windmills, yet...
There have been threats against my job, both veiled and outright. People I work with tell me to shut up, drop it and make no more waves...
Be a team player in this... Or else.
I came home a few days ago, ranting to my Wonderful Wife, apologizing to her that I am not the kind of guy who can cut this loose, not the kind of guy who can let this go.
Not the kind of guy who can walk away...
So why am I bringing all these useless battles up?
I'm wondering how I should approach my boys about charging windmills...
Do I tell them it's a good thing or useless and stupid?
Should I guide them to sidestep windmills or battle with all their heart?
Looking backwards, I have no regrets that matter over the battles I took and knew I would lose. Some of these, if not taken, would have made facing myself, impossible...
Precious failures...
Thru them, I learned who I truly am and sometimes, more importantly, who I am not.
I cannot tell them , only guide...
And let them know that fighting an un-winnable battle, sometimes is the right thing to do..
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