Is there a better description anywhere, of Heaven?
My lungs and sinuses cleared up, and once again, one week out of the year, I lived without an otherwise chronic cough.
I fought crazy currents whose sole intent was to drive me north, with an unending barrage of mass and force. There were extended moments where I actually won, for a while...
Each day, I left exhausted, scraped, sunburnt and bruised.
Glorious...
But all ecstasies harbor a bit of of nagging agravation and discomfort. Mine is always the trip from the berm to the boardwalk; when the sand grinds between the toes and rubs against my sandals straps...
Love the beach but hate the sand, sticking to my piggly digits...
It's gotta be something, doesn't it?
That sand washes off with a quick blast of the hose, but there is a sand that works its way into you, from sources God surrounds you with; the things that haunt you and grind uncomfortably into your soul.
I escaped all thoughts of work and all the things home that normally weigh upon my mind and heart. I dodged the ghosts of worry and fears, for those loved, not with us...
I managed to set aside, moment by moment, the guilt of abandoning sick relatives, whose lives would not be improved measurably, even if I were present.
But those grains of sand rubbed against my soul, anyway...
When God leaves these grains, it is to irritate, as much as polish. He wants us to be haunted, as He instills convictions that we really don't want and would rather not have...
So he leaves grains of sand instead of seeds...
Seeds are comfortable. They grow gently and bring gradual, beautiful and predictably measurable growth. Given the choice- always choose seeds...
Sand is consistent, but can exist, irritatingly for decades, if need be.
It never becomes comfortable, and grates not only the soul , where it touches, but also the brain, the thoughts and the mind.
It seems like the last few seasons, God has been working on my heart...
That was not my choice. Not my choice at all...
I prefer logic and and answers with theoretically sanitized outcomes; not faces and souls sitting on a vendors scale, throwing of simple calculation with emotional plea...
I had informed God a time or few hundred, that He would surely get much more return on investment by going with my strength. I'm thinking, I tell Him, that my brain, at one time, was clocked pretty high, on the I.Q. machine. Following that stream of logic, investing there, would have made much more sense.
Demonstrating His infinite Wisdom, God totally ignored my well thought out plan; of course, in a complete opposite direction, He leads ( boots) me ( my buttocks) into areas foreign and terrifying.
The work is not complete, but today I cannot see individuals simply as variables in economic equations, or accept the term " collateral damage" easily, in my soul.
Labels and preconceptions and margins of error, today cannot erase the actual people that always fell under them.
Uncomfortable. Difficult. Maddeningly complex and confusing...
But the moments of peace in my soul are now more frequent, and not nearly as " theoretical"...
Guess that damned sand had a purpose, after all...
There has been other sand that was poured in, long ago...
All I can say is, that soon, God will be working on my mind...
Thought I would be more comfortable with this concept.
I'm not...
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