Of course he said goodbye to our mother, but no one else.
Me, I'm slightly angry, offended and trying almost hard to resist being both resentful and judgmental...
It's not so much me. We never have been especially close, and I am used to this passive- aggressive control deal. I spent a large portion of my life perfecting it, and probably could give him a few pointers in improving its effectiveness.
What upsets me most is that he didn't say goodbye to my kids...
They get excited whenever he's up, looking forward to the times they get to see him. He might go outside, once or twice, and toss a football with them, but that's about all the time or attention they get over a summer he's here..
A half dozen times, over the course of their childhood...
My brother in laws are exactly the same.
None of them will ever know who my McMonkeys really are; the things they love, the passions they have. They may know the obvious, like favorite sports teams, but the little idiocincricies of their hearts will continually elude them.
They are missing so much...
Not the kids. The adults...
But in other ways, my bubs have been exceedingly blessed.
My family, on my mothers side, have been having a Labor Day picnic for over fifty years. All the relatives, aunts, uncles and cousins eight times removed, show up, hang out and catch up on lives that have drifted in different directions, the preceding eleven months. I get to see four and five generations of family coming together in a living tradition, all in the same place, all on the same day...
And so do my kids...
When I was younger than my little trio, my mom and dad would load the three of us into our Matador station wagon and drive us up to the farm. I remember my great grandmother wearing a straw hat with dollar bills stuffed into it, donations to be used for steamed clams they cooked...
My aunts and uncles were teenagers, and it felt so cool to have them pay attention to us. I don't think most adults know how good it makes kids feel to not only acknowledge them, but to take interest in them and what they enjoy.
I was certainly blessed, to have grown up in this...
We all were.
For years, in my twenties and mid thirties, I was invited to join the family. Having not been there, for all those years, I felt very uncomfortable going back there.
Not because I didn't want to reconnect with my family, because I certainly did. I just hadn't been there in so long and I felt disconnected.
Guess that's what happens when you disconnect...
One year, my Wonderful Wife and our tiny toddlers showed up. I saw aunts and uncles that I hadn't seen in decades. Memories came back, amazingly happy ones...
I remember going to visit my grandfather and grandmothers house when I was tiny . It was one of my favorite places to go, as a child. There was a big field and out back was a stone pile that I could smash with a hammer. Some of the rocks looked like marble...
Of course, the coolest thing there was an outhouse.
Still functional. I used it quite a few times. Super cool...
It was so strange. My mother always acted ashamed of that house. I looked forward to seeing my grandfather ( my hero and namesake) and grandmother, aunts and uncles.
We used to walk down the street to a tiny store and buy candy...
I now get to see my gracefully aging aunts and uncles, great aunts and everyone else that I just classify as " cousins"...
I am so grateful that my McMonkey clan is included,and invited into this....
I am so grateful for those carrying this tradition on and for the people who plan their vacations around its date and make the trek from many states away, to come...
I am grateful that I can bring my children to connect to another generation, that may just bring them treasured memories of their own childhood, as they grow up...
So, I'm not really mad at my disappearing sibling...
I guess. I'm just sad. Not so much for us. We miss him, but the kids are getting used to it.
I'm sad that so much of the " real " stuff that life tries to Grace us with is not even seen by him.
Sad.
That's all...
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