Earlier this evening I wrote multiple pages for a post, a run on diatribe of judgement and condemnation of Stone Age buracracy.
My youngest son has inherited a learning disability from me. My Wonderful Wife and I, along with two very wonderful and amazing relatives, have been trying to get his school to identify, acknowledge and assist him with modifications to help " level out the playing field", educationally.
All our meetings culminated in a large committee meeting today with the EXACT same replies from special Ed experts, school psychologist and buracratic administrators that I heard nearly verbatim, over forty years ago...
The exact same issues, the exact same replies, in the exact same school...
It is all Grace.
I spent large segments of my life resentful of scholastic institutions, biased to the extreme. I often wondered why God layed that particular burden on me at that age, stacked upon multiple others I also did not like or understand...
A few months ago, my little tornado of a McMonkey saw a specialist who both interned and co worked with the doctor who diagnosed and treated me.
Deja vu in multiples..
He has what I had. What I still have...
The funny thing is, on the way home from that appointment, I looked at my Wonderful Wife with a small lump in my throat. I told her that I finally got it, I finally understood the " why"...
It is all Grace.
I went down this exact same road that his growing little feet are beginning to skip and bobble down. He is a pretty well adjusted, happy go lucky, friendly and sociable child. Surrounded by an awesome support system of an Amazing Mom who experienced positive situations in the scholastic arena and many family members gifted in advocating for children with similar challenges, he is blessed.
He will get the assistance he needs...
He has a teacher that cares enough to work with him above and beyond what is officially required. Although I disagree from her assessment and grading style, I must admit that she is legitimately committed to her students and has done much more for him than any other person in that entire school system. I'm thinking she just may be as frustrated with a system that will only officially assist students in states of failure while ignoring needs of the " strugglers" and those " just getting by", as all the other people actively advocating for my child...
It is all Grace.
The committee is a challenge....
I want to label the psychologist as a condescending twit...
I really, really want to...
but...
I have to realize that he simply is not ready yet. He is in a place where he is still thinking his tests are the be-all and end-all, truly believing that he is completely correct, a victim of his own youthful hubris .
It is all Grace...
Eventually, by nature, hubris demands it's due..
I have stood exactly how he stands today, albeit on completely different issues.
Trading being right in my own limited box, for an uncomfortable humility that came from consequences others had to pay for my mistakes and well intentioned failures...
You can't get that lesson from any book or standardized tests answer sheet...
Just young and lacking experience in the waters he is presently wading...
He will be Graced by this, or something much like it, along the way, and will eventually become more receptive to solutions outside boundaries of archaic systems and self inflicted constraints.
I hope so, anyway...
It is all Grace.
Many parents watching their children go thru painful struggles, pray a quiet prayer offering to take the pains that their child is in, on themselves, bargaining for a chance to go thru the anguish and struggle for them...
A little over forty years ago, I was blessed to have done that, for my youngest child...
I get the " why "...
It is all Grace...
I know and can assure him that this struggle is really just a wiggle and that the little bit of crazy that comes with it is no big deal or reflection on his worth...
His Mom and I can deflect the majority of damage, coming soon from the judgmental and Ill-informed teachers that are inevitably down the path for him, that willfully will choose to remain ignorant and dismissive of his diagnosis.
We can convince him, in no uncertain terms, that it is not him who is, or who has the problem...
It is all Grace.
So I deleted the multiple page diatribe I originally wrote this afternoon. I chose to see all the good an Amazing God can do, if I don't choose that path of judgement and condemnation...
Like I said, I took that road a very long time ago.
I didn't like where it led...
It is all Grace...
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