Secretly, I didn't think I needed it...
The role I usually fit in, in our family is often a peacemaker...
Growing up in a " Chaoticaly disengaged" family i learned that once something escalates past a certain point, there was no pulling it back. If a situation was not de-escalated by then, all hell was guaranteed to break loose... There were about two minutes from the first word to the point of no return.
I could never stop the escalations then because I did not have the words or the maturity; I could see it coming, but I was functionally powerless ..
As I grew older, I learned how to intercede before the critical mass occurred.
To see what the battle was really about, assess the needs of those involved and calm them down long enough to listen. If you could do that in minutes or sometimes seconds, there was a remote possibility to bypass the whole crazy circus...
Our house is almost nothing like that...
But we still are a family... We still argue and button push and sometimes, every single one of us could use a little bit of sane intervention...
I came home a few days ago and my Wonderful Wife was conspicuously absent.
Usually, she meets me at our door when I walk thru , almost always ready with a quick hug and kiss and a how was your day...Those moments are our little intimate routine, a quick catch up of each others day, a time between my lunch box unpacking and dinner being cooked... Sometimes light and happy and other times, sharing stresses and frustrations that come with life and parenting..
She stayed upstairs...
Slightly miffed, I found each of my boys and hugged them hello, as usual...
I sat down and listened as a mother and son began a quiet bickering, increasing linearly in volume... I was puzzled. My Wonderful Wife seemed irritable and aggravated..
It was unlike her usual self...
She was in full scale cleaning mode, driven and on a mission. My son excitedly wanted to show his mom something he waited years for, from school. She was lost in her housework...
As my Wonderful Wife came downstairs and grudgingly acknowledged me, I pointed out that she kind of blew off our son...
She curtly told me she was busy cleaning...
I explained what he wanted her to see was important to him and that he really wanted to share it with her..
I was told that the house would not clean itself and she gruffly apologized for being such a bad mother...
This was not the woman I was used too...
I climbed upon my high horse and not so gently explained that her priorities were way off, then walked into our living room, in a self righteous huff...
I sat down, turned on my I pad and opened Facebook. In moments, a picture came up of my Wonderful Wife as a very young toddler, on her fathers knee...
It was his birthday. He had passed away twelve years ago, before the birth of any of our children...
In one moment, all the inconsistencies colluded and made perfect sense...
I had missed it completely.
Not only had i forgotten this date, but in my husbandly wisdom, made this extremely painful and inescapeable day that my Wonderful Wife was just trying to make it thru, without completely falling apart, that much worse...
In trying to resolve a conflict that did not even exist, I laid another needless weight on an already overburdened woman I adored..
How do I make this better?!?!
Hell, how do I just not make this worse?!?
As I stared at that picture on my I pad, I not only saw the obvious loss and pain tied into this day, I saw the many others, most might miss...
I saw a knee my children would never get to sit on. I knew my Wonderful Wife probably saw this too... A lump rose in my throat as I realized that she was feeling something I could not remove or soften, something that was hers, alone...
My son came downstairs and I pulled him aside. I explained that it was a rough day for his mom and I explained why.. I asked him to give her a little Grace.
This son of mine, who will argue over almost any word, when spoken heart to heart, dissolves in gentleness....
I wonder if I should let it go, and like Hippocrates, just do no more harm...
After pondering for a few moments, I walk into the kitchen this lady I love is currently inhabitating. I nervously walk up behind her and gently tap her shoulder. When she turns around, I hug her and tell her I'm sorry for being such an idiot and that I saw her post on Facebook.
She hugs me back and forgives me. This amazing lady, in the midst of a thousand unrelenting emotions, gently lays her head on my shoulder and gives me Grace, for being such an unrelenting and misunderstanding putz..
Now you know one more of the reasons why I call her my Wonderful Wife...
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