Their are those who's are punctually challenged...

                         I realized the other day, that It must be close to a year since I started this blog. I remember worrying that like the last one, this one would probably die a lonely and solitary death, attributed exclusively to its owners lack of posts and attention...

           So I looked back and found that tomorrow will be a year from my first post. Perplexed by its survival, I found about fifty six separate posts...

                     As I re read things written, the urge to correct spelling and punctuation errors attached itself to me. From one post to another,  I compared lengths of run on sentences and realized that probably, somewhere there is an extremely winded asthmatic, who would not stop for breath until a period finally came...

                  The urge to neaten up and purge some of the things I didn't like surfaced.

              I thought about it semi seriously, for nearly three seconds, then reminded myself that this has never been that kind of a blog...

                   I was asked by a very trusted friend how I would feel if after I posted something, I found out it was wrong. How would I deal with the humiliation...

          I scratched my head, pondering the question. I explained as best I could, that what I share is generally not about any spiritual competence...

                        I am much more experienced in failings and struggles than evangelical victories.

I've read about those, but the personal experience still eludes me. I suppose that it might be different if I were a better Christian, but sadly, I am not. For me, this is a daily battle. I question, stumble and fall more often than I ever succeed..

                          I hope that comes through, above all else...

                               I wish I were one of those who surrender once and done.

                                                  I'm not. 

                    Most lessons for me, are repetitive and gather momentum, the longer they last.  I pray that progress is hidden somewhere in this menagerie of my spiritual journeys and bumblings, and that maybe back thru this year, a glimpse or two of them have briefly, if inperceptably surfaced.

                                                So this will never be for anyone searching for the best or most direct route to...anywhere...

                                     It realy is just ramblings of a Christian family man...

                                           What I have learned in this journey is there are far fewer" Once and done" Christians than I originally thought. They exist. They thrive and serve and have an amazing walk that can confuse me to a point of desperation, when I choose to sit and compare... I admire them and listen intently, when they speak. They humble me and no matter how hard I try, truly understanding them completely eludes me..

                                         When I hear my friends struggle with ego and perception, questioning not where they need to go or the philosophical mapped steps that can get them there, my ears piqué...

       As I hear them explain that they understand the words but still cannot locate their own feet, i find a kinship of spirit that words will never explain...

                             For me, the translation from " philosophical " to " functional" in dealing with God completely befuddles me... So I have taken a page from Captain James T. Kirk , and basically just dissolved the entire question...

                               Disintegrate politics and religion. 

                                           No more philosophy.

                                 Simplify it to the basest and truest prime function.

                                         " Would Jesus buy it"?

                                              That is the best I can do. 

                      No deep studies on Greek translation have ever simplified life's real questions about right and wrong. 

                                              The words in red always have...

                             So I am overly simplistic and Biblicaly unrefined. 

                                            I do read. I do listen.

          My heart is open to however God chooses to enter... My Pastors sermons continually haunt me as nagging convictions magicly escape the boxes I try to trap them in...

       Eventually, they wear me out and this long hardened heart softens a tad bit...

                   The fights have become shorter, at times and maybe when the planets line up correctly, God chooses to Grace me with an epiphany I do not feel the need to attempt to outrun...

                 I suppose the spiritual funks have decreased a bit, both in frequency and intensity.

                           God seems to have Graced the man who struggled ineptidly in his search for Him.

                                 Who searched for a God who was never lost...

                                       It has helped me more than most will know, writing these words.

                                  I would never have kept writing if no one was reading them...

                                      I am thankful for those who read the words that probably appear as organized as a Rubix cube. Any growth I have been blessed with in the struggles this past year are because your reading kept me writing and facing questions and situations I would have much rather hidden from.

                    Thank you will never be enough...

                         But thank you...