Hunting and shooting and guns. Manly things, with connotations of our amplified male selves using cool new technologies, to bring out our inner Neanderthal...
That would be a much better topic...
Fishing, cars, even sports, would probably prove more interesting, than what's coming, I'm sure...
This isn't about cars, fishing or guns. Please trust me on that.
It has nothing really to do with hunting, either... If it was, I'm sure it would be a much, much, more exciting read...
I will be spending two days and nights together with many of the men in our Church at the end of this month. Up north, in a secluded camp...
Not exactly like " The Shining", of course. There will be a fully staffed kitchen and really good food... But cell coverage is non existent... And who ever really knows where Jack Nicholson will show up?!?
We won't be spending any considerable time doing the activities we usually use to distract ourselves, in the time we spend together, there...
Our Church calls it a "Reload"...
I have went on one of these before, four or five years ago and found out that i got a lot out of it. We focused on what The Bible says about the duties and responsibilities that come with being a Christian man, husband, father and Church member...
Doesn't sound so bad. Philosophic discussions on responsibility and duty...
Manly stuff... Hoorah!
But it doesn't stop there. The scary thing about it, is that is just where we begin...
If you've read this blog more than two or three times, you probably realize that emotional intimacy with people other than my direct family makes me uncomfortable...
I'm not even good at that, a lot of the time, with my own family of origin...
I do " philosophic" pretty well, though...
I am much more in my element, speaking about home projects, tools, smoking pork shoulders or baking the occasional lasagna...
We can debate Harbor Freight price versus Snap- On tool quality...
Tire pressure fluctuations between winter/ summer seasons...
Hellmans mayonnaise vs. Miracle Whip...
( OK... That last one was a no brainer. Hellmans, of course...)
The point is, that most men would rather contemplate a prostate exam than ruminate about sharing our inner fears and the questions we have about all these rolls that we are expected to inhabit....
Most of us would rather wander cluelessly in the uncharted wilderness than admit we are lost and ask for directions, back to familiar cross roads...
Guess it's a guy thing...
I like a lot of the men in our Church. In the past, I've had some pretty deep and emotionally revealing conversations with many of them...
But we did have the opprotunity to walk away, afterwards...
Jump in our cars and drive opposite directions. See each other days later, shake hands and talk about the latest Home Depot flyer...
The problem... No, the solution to that problem is, that after the small groups that have very personal and intimate focus on measuring our true progress as dads and husbands...
Identifying the strengths and inevitable weaknesses and occasional complete misses we share as a gender, we leave those groups for a short time and soon, step right back in...
No convenient escape. No appointment or other place we're needed...
We commit ourselves to " Show up"...
And continue " Showing up"...
For the entire two days...
It might seem like I don't want to go. That is not the case.
Maybe there is a little reticentce, still, but what I would like to stress is that this is probably the best opprotunity for men to connect with other men, in our Church that they will probably ever get...
It is extremely scary, to some. No one I know who attends feels completely comfortable in it. But the truth is, that comfort is one of the greatest common enemies to spiritual growth...
It, and complacency. We all tell ourselves that we are fine. No evident problems, no real issues that need our immediate and shared attentions...
Because we all know... We are all fine...
No need to spend $ 150 to hang out with a bunch of guys, talking about struggles, strongholds and doubts...
But I have yet to hear one of the wives in the Chuch agree with any of that.... Most I have met see $150 dollars as a pretty cheap investment in their family and in the husband they love...
In truth, I would rather hit the ocean with my family and take advantage of my built in buoyancy ... But my rathers aren't the point...
I think as a husband and as a dad, that I'm doing ok...
On a good day, my Wonderful Wife may even agree...
But I have never been either a husband or father before; any middling success that happens has nothing to do with my knowledge or skill. I do search for guidance sometimes, from God, friends and mentors... But this is a very different world that my kids are dealing with than the one I grew up in.
I don't want to be a " middling" dad...
I want every possible advantage in guiding three good kids into a manhood our culture never accurately defines. I want to demonstrate that contrary to our own internal, innacurate confirmations, going things alone is often more foolhardy than effective...
I want my boys to know that being a dad is the most important job a man can ever have.
The only real, meaningful legacy I will ever have will be my children. In ten years, nobody will really care what my companies profit margin was in our first quarter of this year...
No one will be concerned how many dishwashers I'd owned, when I cross those pearly gates..
( Stealing an old friends quote)
So I will gladly go to an uncomfortable two day long encounter, to learn how to be a better man, so I can raise better men...
That's as concise as I think I can get it...
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