Generally, I don't think too far ahead, especially about my birthday. Its never been a big deal...
But this year I turn 50...
This is not the " philosophical " 50 that you picture in your twenties.
It is not the " hmm, I might actually reach 50", that you experience in your late 30's and 40's...
It IS the " Crap! I'm going to BE 50 in a few months !!!"...
The Lord willing and the creek don't rise , I'm actually going get there...
Who'da thunk that?!?
I don't have a problem with getting older. I'm kind of hoping to be that cranky old curmudgeon, sitting on a rocker with a salty North Atlantic gust, freezing in my beard...
I remember telling my Wonderful Wife, while we were still dating, that my beard had blonde highlights, as I gazed at myself in her living room mirror. She laughed and informed me that it was not blonde, but grey...
Of course I still married her. I did harbor doubts about her interpretations of the color chart, though..
I look in the bathroom mirror now and see that many of the remaining follicles on both my skull and face have somehow become an extremely light platinum blonde...
And yes, I'm smart enough now not to say that out loud, in front of my Wonderful Wife...
I think sometimes, denial can be a healthy thing.
I am not wealthy enough to buy a Dodge Challenger and I'm married to a woman who is in better shape and better looking than most women half her age...
Not to mention I am helplessly, hopelessly in love with her, no matter how she looks..
So, she's stuck with me, at least until my life insurance check clears..
After that, she can pretty much do whatever she wants...
Since there is no hope of a mid-life crisis, I must do something else.
I'm not going to make a bucket list.
Completing one of those would require much more energy than I feel willing to expend, at this time.
I mean, I'm turning 50, not dying...
I always wanted to skydive on my fiftieth birthday, but looking at the actual, not the " philosophical" ground, I'm beginning to have second thoughts....
It looks and is, very hard, and although my body does have a fairly rubbery cosistency, it does not lately react that way, at all...
My three McMonkeys are looking forward to me skydiving. I made the mistake of mentioning that idea out loud, one day in our car. " Really dad? Are you REALLY going to jump out of an AIRPLANE?!?" they asked...
I may have to tell them that after thinking it over, that it doesn't seem to be the best decision I could choose to make, at this particular juncture in my life...
Yep. Just tell them I'm chicken. They're good kids, they'll understand...
But I am going to have to do something.
On Facebook , a few months ( years?) ago, I asked if anyone knew if it were possible to be Tazed without being arrested. Where could I go to voluntarily be Tazed ?
I'm thinking THAT would be about the neatest way I can come up with, to ring in my fiftieth year...
It's not so crazy...
OK, maybe it is, just a little bit...
But really, who wants to do something sane on their birthday?
I saw a video of this guy, Chris Carracci, I think his name was...
He proved he could be Tazed and then self willed himself to get right back up, half a second later.
I'm not thinking I can do that. He was a member of SEAL TEAM SIX and has black belts in numerous styles of self defense.
Me, I managed to eat a two pound burger and all the fixings at Fudruckers...
There is a 99.997% chance that I will fall on the ground, wet my tighty whiteys and cry like a little girl. I think that the remaining .003% chance that is left over is an anomaly, an impossibility and only a margin of error figured into statistical computations...
But I'm thinking that this, I might have to try.
I know this is supposed to be a blog about a rambling, Christian family man.
This post doesn't seem to have much about the Christian part...
But the rambling? I think I've got that one down...
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