Day of rest...

           Stayed home with my middle McMonkey. He has been having a really bad cough , body aches and tiredness. Couldn't justify dragging him to Church, only to have to yank him out of service so others could hear it.

                     So father and son hung out in their Jammie's, played poker, worked on daddies " honey do" list, and listened to MY iPad playlist.

                  We ate lunch at a Mexican restaraunt the other day and country music was playing.

                              He now calls country music " Mexican"..

              So I played him my favorite Christian artist, circa 1980 or so...

       Then I played some sad country songs. Boredom complete, we gave up on old tunes...

                 Relaxed, we sat at the kitchen island and just talked. He told me that in health class they were talking about alcoholism and addiction...

              I kind of laughed and asked what they had learned so far...

                           Not a bad program in our little school....

                   I let him know if he had any questions, I would be more than glad to answer them. He looked at me quizzically.

                       I told him on those particular subjects, I am probably more of an expert than he would likely ever meet.

                      " You do know that I'm an alcoholic, don't you?" I questioned...

         " You used to be, but now you don't do that anymore" he replied.

                        So I explained that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic, that it is a progressive, insidious and fatal disease that by nature, tries to trick you into thinking you don't have it, or don't have it anymore...

                     My eyes glazed over a bit, as I told him of old friends, who after many years of sobriety, decided to drink again and shortly found their lives and family decimated and out of control.

                       I think that surprised him. He looked shocked as I let him know that if I took one single drink, all the smart money in the world would have me much worse than I was when I initially stopped...

     The disease progresses in sobriety also, awaiting the opportunity to take control, freely handed over.

                                        My son was getting an in depth lesson...

                         I told him of a friend at work who had a champagne toast at his daughters wedding after 18 years of sobriety. In the past few years I've seen him go from a beer every other week, to weekly, to daily and now, weekend drunks. Every now and then he drives, when he's " not that bad"...

              I told Stephen that it hasn't caught up to him yet. "Yet?" he questioned. " It's going to get worse?"

                                            " It always does. It ALWAYS does"..

                      We sat across the table and I told him of coming to with a dog peeing on me and not being able to move. We both laughed at that. I told him about falling down at 10 degrees in the winter, at 3:30a.m. and waking up an hour later with my beard frozen to the sidewalk. We laughed a little less, and stopped completely when I told him I could have died there. It happens every day...

                         I told him about my last drunk, drinking bourbon, eating bread and puking a bloody mixture of both into a bucket I was holding.

                                   He couldn't understand that. It made no sense...

                                                              Exactly.

                         I couldn't stop, couldn't drink enough to pass out and was caught in a trap I could not free myself from...

                      I told him of the years of battles trying to sober up and not being able to. I told him of the times God intervened that I ignored, that I defied and how He still sent one to witness to me and offer Salvation.

        How God healed me from a disease that I could re- expose myself to, but for His Grace...

         How He removed the compulsion, obsession and desire, and how daily I give thanks for one more day sober.

       A daily reprieve, based on my spiritual condition. That is why my relationship with God and Jesus is such a priority. One of the many reasons. He did not need to fear me drinking because I am held gently in Gods hands. Those who stray, those who refuse that refuge are the most vulnerable.

                      We talked of the times in my past when I went into high schools and spoke to teens about the realities of this disease, how I'd spoken in rehabs and A.A. meetings...

                                     He said he probably wouldn't drink, when he became legal.

                     I told him that would be his choice. All I could do is share my experience, strength and hope with him and pray for the best.

                            We spoke about adoption and all the emotions and pressures that come with it.

                 A conversation without judgement or expectation or promises.

                                     It was an emotional morning, but an amazingly bonding one.

                                Usually I feel bad when I miss Church , worse when one of my kids miss it with me. It makes me feel like a failure as a father, when that happens.

                                                              But today?

                                    I think God understood this absence from his house.

                                He was here with us and in a very strange way, we worshiped.

                                              I guess that is a pretty good day...

       

                                            No matter who's house your in...