Saturday, March 7, 2015

The letter...

                                         I've often thought it would be easier to write on our dry erase board with permanent marker. Plus or minus a few words, most of what I write the Wonderful Wife and three McMonkeys every morning, is the same...
                    Love you Honey...
                    Love you Nick....
                    Love you Stephen...
                    Love you Jacob...
                  Have a great day! 
                     I may add a " Thanks for marrying me" or " Can't wait to come home", but plus or minus, pretty much the same...
                                  But if I did write it with permanent marker,  they wouldn't know that on the day I left for work, I was really thinking of them. It would just be a cute and quaint rectangle on our wall...
                    A few times I've turned the T.V. off early and written them notes. Nothing big, nothing major. A few simple sentences each, a little more personal...
                             Recently it has been placed on my heart to write all of them an actual letter. Something deeper and truer, letting them all know the depth they have quietly meandered into my soul.
               To tell the Wonderful Wife that she has done more to bring me closer to my God and His Son, than most anyone. Jack Nicholson famously quoted in a movie that " You make me want to be a better man"...  Truer words never have been spoken. She makes me want to be a better Christian. Someday, I will say that to her.
                 Someday she will know how much she has inspired my spiritual life...
                  I will tell Nicholas how proud I am of him, not as much for the grades he has, but for the strength of character he's shown in a world that doesn't usually reward the " non- linear".
                  He sees things so differently than most. Behind the absent minded professor routine is a nearly unfathomable well of vulnerability. Last to be picked, last to be invited, he still walks forward in an accepted solitude that he refuses to let defeat him.
                 That strength and confidence he is learning uncomfortably early, will be such a boon to him in adulthood. The sensitivity that can be a curse at twelve, will be such a blessing and insight at thirty.
                                      He will understand those " different". 
                                       And that will make all the difference...
                              I will tell Stephen... I have so much to tell Stephen...
                     He is definitely his mothers son. It seems he was born with a spirit incapable of seeing unfairness and staying quiet. One of the rarest and most costly of gifts, it scares me at times, how indwelled he is with it...
                Our " little lawyer" seems bothered by his own sensitivities. He prefers the logical, the " philosophical"... I guess I can't blame that on his mom. He would rather live in a mathematical world than emotional one. His strength of will is also his greatest weakness. I would bet on his stubbornness against almost all in this world. That is not neccasarily a compliment...
                                           He has a good and fair heart.
                                                I admire and envy that...
                                                               Jake.
                                                            Ah, Jake...
                                        With him I don't even know where to start...
                                            He is so much like the child I was.
                                    He is so much like the best of the child I was.
                                             That's a bit more accurate...
                                   I'm proud of his grades in school, although they aren't quite at the level of his brothers. In him is a different kind of intelligence...
                  He is the social butterfly, unhindered by practicality and focusing on laughter and non stop movement.
                He just may be fast enough and resilient enough to out last the school system that would as soon break him, to fit their archaic and unyielding mold..
                     Life will mature him somewhere between the time it wants and when he wishes...
                                  He makes me laugh and gives me faith in human spirit...
                                  
                                      I don't know when I'll write these letters, when I'll have the time.
                                      I hope it's soon. Time is strange and unforgiving...
                                                                     Soon...

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